But did you learn to love?

I heard a story recently of this man who had one of those experiences where he died and came back to life. As he experienced death, he recalls standing in line to get into heaven and hearing God ask the same one question to each person in front of him in the line - “did you learn to love?” When he came back to life, this experience dramatically altered the remainder of his days here on earth.

This question has been on repeat in my heart and mind ever since I heard that story a few months ago. It’s almost haunted me.

But did you learn to love?

So much of our lives are measured by what we do. When we read people’s stories, eulogies, or obituaries, we learn about what they achieved, excelled at, built, conquered, made. At work, we have SMART goals and Key Performance Indicators to quantifiably measure success. I spend so much time thinking about what I’ve done and what I will do in the future.

But, what if we measured the quality of our lives by how well we loved?

I’m immediately confronted with my own humanity, and how often I can puff myself up with measuring the quality of my life through things that matter to me - like building my daily disciplines, growing a healthy life, and seeing growth in numbers at the organization I lead. Those things feel like progress. And they are. But I’m learning: they are progress only to the extent they are tethered to and unto love.

But did I learn to love?

I’m a feelings girl. The feelings this question brings up in me are some kind of tension between inspiring and intimidating (with either eye rolls thrown in or gut-wrenching shame). People can be difficult - Lord knows, I am 😆. I don’t naturally love everyone with ease. Can you relate? I mess this up on the daily. People whose well-being exhibit health, and who mostly agree with me? Check! That feels nice, easy, and encouraging to love them. But then there are the ones who are harder to love, who, for some darn reason we all have in our lives. BLESS IT. I’m sure their faces are popping up in your mind.

Does your mind ever flash reels in your head? When I think about this topic, my mind immediately starts flashing headline after headline of situations with people I didn’t handle well. I did not learn to love in those moments. And I deeply regret it. And I’m learning to receive Grace for these human-sized moments, and pursue reconciliation whenever possible. It’s so worth it.

But did I learn to love?

A vitally important part of considering this question is on the side of receiving love. I believe love is only love when it can be given and received. The measure to which you can receive love is the measure to which you will dose it out, my friend. This has been one of the biggest lessons I’ve personally walked through - and still am. Most of my life, I didn’t know how to truly receive love (little ‘l’ and big ‘L’). This fracture in my soul was like a diseased root that infected how I loved others.

So, as you ask yourself this question, let’s agree to consider it from the perspective of both - your capacity to receive love and your tendency to give it away.

I am convinced this is one of the most important measures of life. And I am motivated to cultivate and evaluate my life from this perspective. I invite you to put this question at the top of your list.

After a hard conversation,

After an intense meeting,

At the end of your day,

At the end of your year,

When a relationships ends,

After you really blew it,

Ask yourself - But did I learn to love? What did I learn about what love looks like? Did I learn to receive love today?

I leave you with quotes from the GOATS, whose lives are proof that a life well-lived is a life well-loved.

P.S. - There are so many worthy questions that come out of this topic, like, “how can you speak truth and still love well?”, “what does loving someone from afar look like?”, “how do you know if reconciliation is possible?”, and many more. I hope you’ll bring up these hard topics with safe people in your life. 🙂